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Thread of good Jokes

Discussion in 'Offtopic' started by 09jnewington, Oct 15, 2011.

  1. similar to that with the popular thread of riddles, but lets share some jokes^^

    i'll try and start us of

    anyone know the 'im in the buisness' jokes?

    person A: im in the buisness

    person B: what buisness?

    person A: making boats in small building buisness

    person B: hows buisness?

    Person A: our 'sails' (sales) are through the roof!!

    works beter when you hear it :D
  2. Yo moma so stupid, she put a sheet of paper on a TV and called it pay-per veiw
  3. Oi.... no "your momma" jokes... they get old and tiresome fast....
  4. Sorry,

    here's a different one:

    A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released.

    The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first.

    "Tell me," said he, "if we release you, as we are considering doing, what do you intend to do with your life?'

    The inmate said, "It would be wonderful to get back to real life and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you know, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped put me here. If I am released, I shall confine myself to work in pure theory, where I trust the situation will be less difficult and stressful."

    "Marvelous," said the head of the institution.

    "Or else," ruminated the inmate. "I might teach. There is something to be said for spending one's life in bringing up a new generation of scientists."

    "Absolutely," said the head.

    "Then again, I might write. There is considerable need for books on science for the general public. Or I might even write a novel based on my experiences in this fine institution."

    "An interesting possibility," said the head.

    "And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle."
  5. I don't get it...

    More along the lines of the insane institution....

    One day, a man was walking down the street. He came to a long stretch of sidewalk that bordered the yard of an asylum. There was a large fence between him and the yard, about ten feet high and made of sturdy wood. As he was walking along, he thought about what the inmates did for fun. He hadn't the slightest clue. He was halfway to the end of the walk when he heard the inmates, yelling around inside. He stopped for a moment, trying to make out what they were saying. For a few more seconds, he couldn't understand, but then, he clearly heard them say: "Thirteen!" This cry was repeated over and over again, by many different voices. The man started to walk again, not sure what they were doing. By the time he got to the end of the fence, he just couldn't stand it. He wanted to know what had them all excited, and shouting. He spied a small peephole in the fence, one that would give him a good view of the inside of the yard. Looking around to make sure no one he knew was watching, he set down his briefcase and took a look in the hole. For a moment, he saw nothing. Then, something poked him in the eye, and he fell backwards onto the sidewalk. The next thing he heard was a man nearby, shouting, "Fourteen!"

    One of my favorite jokes!
  6. knock knock....

    i'm just kiddin
  7. What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock.

    Look Pa, no hands!
  8. "Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
  9. Did any one like my joke?
  10. We loved it. That's why we have been laughing instead of replying.
  11. LoL the best part of that joke was the comeback
  12. What do you get with Arkansas cheerleaders?

    *keep it clean*

  13. i dont get it
  14. He means, keep your answer to his joke clean.
  15. ye, but where is it quoted from?

    how is it not clean?

    what was the joke intended to mean?
  16. What? You make no sense. He is asking a joke. The joke is, "what do you get with Arkansas cheerleaders?"

    Then he says to keep your answer clean.

    He's waiting for someone to guess the answer. He's giving the joke in a riddle format.
  17. ohhhhhhh sorry^^ that was probably the stupidest question i've ever asked^^

    pyth, is the answer:

    arkansian cheerleading?
  18. A full set of teeth.
  19. I still don't get it :(