1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Thread of good Jokes

Discussion in 'Offtopic' started by 09jnewington, Oct 15, 2011.

  1. He can't, thats the joke :p
  2. So, now it's funny to make fun of those less fortunate than ourselves? To make fun of those who are crippled?
  3. Thats even funnier than the joke it self!
  4. I think he is serious
  5. lol

    Though I don't see how that is funnier than the joke itself...
  6. I'm not that sure... anyways, heres a joke!

    A blond was reading a newspaper on a train. On the front cover it read '12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed' wanting to know more she nudged the person next to her and asked:
    "How much is a Brazilian?"
  7. I remember when we 1st heard that joke auh, lol.

    it can be read 3 ways.. knowing 2 of them makes it funny
  8. I see...

    Okay, so how about this one: Funny newspaper headlines.

    "Autos killing 110 a Day; Let's Resolve to do Better"

    "Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad she Hasn't Seen in Years"

    "Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"

    "If Strike isn't Settled Quickly it May Last a While"

    "Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy"

    "Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
    that'll teach em.

    "Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency"

    "Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim"
    the poor thing couldn't bite...

    "Two Convicts Evade Noose, Jury Hung"
    helpful alternative, maybe?

    "Two Soviet Ships Collide - One Dies"

    "War Dims Hope for Peace"
    no, really?

    "Lawmen from Mexico Barbecue Guests"
    yum yum.

    * Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    * Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    * Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
    * New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    * Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
    * Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    * Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    * Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors
    * Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    "Miners Refuse to Work after Death"
    no good dead beats.

    "Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant"
    well, it might work...

    "Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say"
    I wonder what it was?

    "Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax"
    who gave that bovine an axe?

    "Light Turnout Seen at Iraqi Polling Station in MD"
    what, no one wanted to make the trip?

    "Federal agents raid weapons shop, find guns"
    What are the odds of that?

    "One armed man applauds the kindness of strangers"
    Okay, that's just mean.

    Lol, I love these.
  9. I laughed so hard!!!!

    I also found these two stories which I copy and pasted:

    Armed police raided a suspected mass murders house. One officer, for a joke, shouted 'Marco!' as he entered the house. The police captured the suspect after he replied 'Polo!'

    An old couple discovered a burglar in their house last Sunday. The family was having a re-union dinner and were telling jokes. The burglar was discovered after he was heard laughing upstairs.

    :lol: :lol: :lol:
  10. A man reported another person calling for help on his porch. Turns out "Help" was the name of his cat

    btw Those were hilarious!
  11. More Funny Stories!

    Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company..."

    The Belgium news agency Belga reported in November that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.

    The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50am flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk tuned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  12. great alibi..... :lol:
  13. Oh, I don't know. It sounds airtight to me. I mean, what better way to prove you didn't commit a crime than by claiming a different crime!
  14. Gee... tough question. Maybe you could try saying you were at a school...
  15. 45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

  16. That says it all...
  17. Californian Bill Helko was thrilled when he had the winning numbers in the local lottery, the first prize being $412,000. He straight away went and ordered a Porsche, booked a family holiday in Hawaii and had a champagne dinner with his wife and friends at an expensive Hollywood restaurant. When he went to pick up the winnings he found that 9,097 others had also won first prize and his share of the jackpot was $45.

    EPIC FAIL :lol:
  18. I bet it costs $10 for the ticket.
  19. A man walked into a 7-11, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill
    on the counter.

    The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

    Derp :lol:
  20. That's stupid, the clerk wouldn't give change for a 20 if he only had 15.